Dance for Me, Witness

“Some of the most fun you can have in a courtroom is taking an opposing witness who is haughty or arrogant and using him or her as yours.”

–Steven F. Molo

What Did He Do Next, Kick a Puppy?

“My guy had the misfortune of being the only one who was on videotape buying plastic explosives and dynamite and machine guns. And he said on tape, ‘It’s for people who don’t pay their dues.’”

–Michael D. Monico

Keep Them Backstage

“The lawyer conducting the cross-examination never wants to give up center stage to the witness.”

–Thomas M. Crisham

May Not Apply Outside the Loop

“True, lawyers cannot remake the facts; but it seems that in Chicago, a criminal case is about the defendant and charges, and not about the famous-lawyer persona. Juries are not dazzled or muscled into verdicts.”

–Jo-Anne Wolfson

More Important than Nunchuks

“As I learned time and again in Uncle Sam’s Army, surprise is probably the most important single tactical element of combat—on the field of battle or in the courtroom. Do not underestimate it.”

–Michael T. Hannafan

Let the Record Show that the Witness is, in Fact, Not Dead

Q: Have you ever been a resident of the Mt. Auburn Cemetery?

A: No.

Q: Have you ever given a contrary statement?

A: Yes.

Opposing Counsel: Your Honor, could we have a sidebar?

–Tornabene v. Paramedic Services of Illinois, Inc., as recounted by Michael J. Morrissey

Chicken or the Egg

“And, finally, this was the point that could be hammered on in closing argument and in our experts’ rebuttal testimony: The only evidence in the record or in fact that supported any diagnosis of mental disease or defect in John Gacy was the 33 murders themselves.”

–William J. Kunkle

And That’s Tough to Get Out of Those White Smocks

“I cross-examined a nurse one time and I intended to be all soft and kind and loving hugs, and she started getting snarly with me and arguing and before I knew it there was blood everywhere.”

–Robert A. Clifford

Magdalene Takes the Stand

“I basically said to him, “You have testified as an expert in ten cases in the context of deaths while in police custody . . . . At no time have you testified on behalf of the plaintiff in a case in the context of death while in police custody, is that accurate?’

‘Yes.’

We knew, of course, that was accurate. So we had him then as a whore.”

–James D. Montgomery

They’re Just Giving Those Nobel Prizes Away These Days

“I believe the jury truly enjoyed the spectacle of a Nobel Prize winner stumped when asked for an explanation of why movie theaters had cheaper tickets for adults and seniors . . . . One of the jurors, who had been a model of decorum, tried valiantly to conceal her laughter.”

–Charles W. Douglas