Concentrate, Bobby Fisher

“Cross-examination, if it can be compared to chess, is perhaps the most powerful piece in one’s trial arsenal. Squandering it is closely akin to uselessly sacrificing one’s queen.”

–Walter Jones, Jr.

Guess You Had to be There

“The Panzcko brothers, Pops and Peanuts, were legendary Chicago burglars . . . Panzcko actually had the jury laughing about events, including the robbery of a Catholic rectory on Easter.”

–Marc W. Martin

No Legal Mind Left Behind

“This auditor was killing us . . . I turned to my associate, and I asked him, ‘How did you do in “Accounting for Lawyers?”’

‘I got a C minus,’ he said.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘I did better than that. I got a C plus. So I’d better take this guy.’”

–Michael W. Coffield

Priceless

“The agent who had the instinct to follow the defendant made the cross-examination easy. It was so easy that at the jury instruction conference, the trial judge, Frank McGarr, told me that I should not even charge the federal government for that day of service because the work was too easy and I had too much fun.”

–Gordon B. Nash, Jr.

As Played by Jack Lemmon

“The witness was a distinguished Stanford economist who looked like Marcus Welby and possessed the credentials of John Maynard Keynes. He charged $638 an hour—not $625 or $650. He appeared to have come straight from central casting.”

–Robert W. Tarun

That’s the sort of Thinking that Earned the Lord His MBA

“One summer night in Georgia, God spoke to Homer Tomkins (not his real name) as he enjoyed the evening’s breeze while drifting in a canoe on his private lake. ‘Homer,’ spoke the Almighty, ‘I want you to build a hospital on the shores of these waters.’ By early morning, God finished His detailed instructions for Homer’s hospital, specified the number of beds, revealed His wishes for a modern cancer center and state-of-the-art radiation therapy device, and directed Homer to go forth among the common folk to fund his endeavor. ‘Debt financing would be the way to go,’ suggested the Lord.”

–Robert F. Coleman

Like a Duck

“I always wanted to cross in conversational fashion, forcing the witness to, in his or her own words, unwittingly and matter-of-factly horrify the jury with their quackery and the terrible harm that had been caused.”

–Don H. Reuben

When is the Occasion NOT Appropriate?

“The next morning found me in court watching Frank [Oliver], who was wearing a cape, an amber amulet, and dressed to the nines. That’s right. Frank wore a cape and an amber amulet, and if my memory is correct, he sometimes carried a walking stick—if the occasion was appropriate.”

–Thomas Anthony Durkin

That’s Beautiful

“To paraphrase the poet Joyce Kilmer: ‘I think I shall never see a voir dire as lovely as a tree.’”

–James R. Figliulo

That’s in the Dictionary under “Specific”

Q: On those particular occasions when you went into the Western Health Spa premises themselves, you observed nothing specific, isn’t that correct?

A: I saw a naked man on a dog leash once. Does that count as something specific?

–United States v. Caliendo, et al., as recounted by James S. Montana, Jr.